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February 06 2018



guys… I don’t know if you know this but… if you wake up early… there’s so many more hours in the day

February 04 2018







omfg im laughing so hard i fell asleep on my keyboard last night and i just found this


PAGE 1 OF 184

One entire row of ‘f’s takes 10 seconds to type. There are 45 lines per page, so you take 450 seconds per page. You claim to have typed 184 pages, which would take a total of 82800 seconds, or exactly 23 hours. You are a liar


You forgot that she was holding down the key. This accelerates the rate at which the f’s appear; once the ‘f’s appear at a rapid rate, it’s about 3.4 seconds per line. Also, 45 lines per page is generous - I counted and given that the page is Times New Roman, 12pt font, it’s about 41 lines. 

This means that it’s 139.4 seconds per page, times 184 is 25649.6 seconds, and that rounds out to about 7.1 hours, or 7 hours 7 minutes. 

It’s perfectly reasonable for her to have slept!

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This is 100% how anxiety works

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for russian DA ask

flower’s meaning:
• hollyhock - ambition
• aconite - misanthropy
• fennel - resistance
• mandrake - magic power
• coltsfoot - mother’s care

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@indigopersei is the french language just always on the verge of getting someone accused of assault or..?

my friend,
if only you knew

It’s a very dangerous language to learn

Here’s an interesting thing about French! Everything needs to have an article in front of it. That’s why it’s “la chat” as opposed to just “chat”. So, for instance, you could say la fille for the girl, or jeune fille for young girl, but you can’t just say fille, because that means you are calling her a sex worker in a derogatory way.

The moral of the story is, if you want to make something rude in French, just take out the article in front of it. Yes, this works for nearly. every. word.

#now I’m wondering how often my high school french teacher was silently screaming because of this little fact

Every year. Every year there’s that kid who forgets that you can’t translate “I am excited” to “Je suis excitée”. And every year Monsieur Jordan has to slam the brakes before that kid can finish his sentence and then tactfully ask him not to announce to the class that he is horny.

“is the french language always on the verge” oh buddy, oh pal, i am so happy to break this news to you: 

truly the language of love




Today a man came in to buy collars for his 10 cats, and when I asked what kind of cats he had, he replied very seriously ‘They’re all supermodels.’

I just cannot stop thinking about this man. Like, he was a reasonably attractive middle-aged guy in a clearly nice but dishevelled suit? And he just seemed to think that this was an entirely normal request? And he clearly cared about his cats after our (very) long conversation, he kept talking about how the council was doing nothing to stop some people in the neighbourhood trapping cats for dog bait and he was really mad about this and he needed to protect his cats, but again, I stress, this guy genuinely did not seem to think that anyone would find the number of TEN CATS a large number of cats. He was just like, super casual at the end, ‘oh yes, also, I will need ten, one for each of my ten cats’. And I was like, ‘that’s a lot of cats!’ and he just did not seem to think it was a lot of cats? Also he had like hundreds of dollars in cash, and was clearly happy to just drop a bunch of money on stuff for his ten cats. I want him to come back. I’m burning with curiousity. I may be in love.

I’m for sure in love



tide pods are absolutely an aperture science invention. blue, orange, and white color scheme? pleasing rounded plastic aesthetic? look tasty but will burn your throat and kill you? i bet they were cave johnson’s attempt at creating delicious snack packs

“Cave Johnson here, 

So I have some bad news and some good news, the bad news is those Aperture Science confectionaries we just spent millions of dollars making are absolutely toxic, they will rupture your insides immediately upon ingesting them. The good news is we’ve found they’re great for taking stains out of clothes.”


me: *opens a message 2 seconds after waking up* haha… i’ll reply to this later… *snoozes*

me two weeks later: wait a minute… Fuck



After Lucifer was kicked out of Heaven, he decided to make his own paradise. Both compete to have the best afterlife, sadly you lived a sin-free life and got sent to Heaven. God is throwing a very boring, sin-free party. You spend your time trying to get kicked out so you can go to Hell.

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who is gonna tell this person

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Repent, weebs


This portmanteau was created from phrase ‘repent weebs’. Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1

Why does a nun have a Twitter in the first place

idk if sister catherine is an actual nun, but most nuns don’t live in the stone age.

i volunteered for several years at a shelter with nuns and they all had iphones and liked to use the internet.

Do…do nuns have memes?

i’m about to blow your mind: they do, indeed, have and enjoy memes.

many of the nuns i volunteered with (most of whom were in their 50s-80s) got a kick out of catholic memes and cat memes.

there’s also a nun named Sister Helena Burns who is famous for her love of twitter. she posts content such as this:

Second picture: “Get on, sister. We’ve got Satan to slay tonight.”





i see your ‘nowhere in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty was an egg’ and raise you ‘nowhere in the legendarium does tolkien say that elves have pointed ears’

Mary Shelley didn’t give the monster bolts.

Arthur Conan Doyle never put Holmes in a deer stalker (also “elementary my dear Watson” is never said in the books, and he doesn’t smoke a curved pipe)

There are boys at Beauxbatons and girls at Durmstrang schools

Edgar Allan Poe wrote the earliest essay on the big bang theory

#reality is an illusion

fuck this site I thought the tv show for the briefest of seconds and the shit machine in my skull thought “quoth the raven ‘Bazongo”

February 03 2018




kinning out of your star sign is forbidden in the land of walmart

you people think you can just throw any words together and make a real sentence huh

i genuinely can’t tell if this is a bot passing the turing test or a human failing it

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Elizabeth Hurley as The Devil in Bedazzled (2000, dir. Harold Ramis)




I hate being high why I keep hearing footsteps 😑

Are you walking?

Oh shit

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